Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
