He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize