I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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