2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
