I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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