sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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