Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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