Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
