he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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