so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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