oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
