It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
