Soap is not a condiment
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i out mim tonsoeep
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