Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
