I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
