Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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