he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
