I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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