I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
