Can Purell be used as lube?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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