Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
