i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
His nipple licking is glorious
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