Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize