Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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