were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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