Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
