Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
