If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
