you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
