Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
