We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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