Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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