I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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