Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
