i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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