Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
