I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
