I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
