Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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