Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
