This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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