I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This baby is an asshole
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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