How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just high enough for therapy.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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