Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
