Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
