You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
vagina is talking i cant
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
