Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
