I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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