I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
