You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
