A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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