you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize