I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
