what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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