i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
