you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize