So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
