I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
