Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Randomize
