Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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