it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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