I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
