Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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