I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
