does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Bring me that man meat
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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