I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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