my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
