I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
