I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
