Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
