AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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