Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
