After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
