I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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